I am reading about the idea that you don’t have to do to be in Emily P. Freeman’s book Grace for the Good Girl. The book covers a lot of topics and I have not finished it yet but the idea that I don’t have to do to be is challenging my whole identity and I must say it is freaking me out a little bit.
my earliest memories I have always felt it has been necessary to justify my
existence. I don’t think this is due to
any one thing or experience, we just seem to live in a world that wants to know
how many words we can spell, how many smiley faces we have on our rewards
chart, how many friends we have, whether we have a boyfriend/girlfriend, how
many degrees we have, how many friends we have on Facebook, how many committees
we are on, how many times we are in the newspaper, how many children we have,
how often our phone rings etc.
able to justify my existence is challenging for me because I can’t really do anything well, I
can’t run fast, I was never the smartest in my class, I have never had loads of friends (always gone with
quality over quantity), I don’t think I can dance or sing, I can’t really sew and
I am not a great cook. I could go on but
I will end up getting depressed if I list everything I can’t do well. So I got my approval by being busy, being
involved in a lot of things all the time, giving people the impression I was a
very capable, talented human being who has every right to be alive.
it is being suggested that I don’t have to do to be. If I don’t do who will I be? My worth and identity does not come from what
I do, I don’t have to spend any more time trying to prove that I deserve to be
here, I don’t have to justify how I spend my time or what I prioritise as
important. My head is literally aching,
a lifetime of what I thought was important is being challenged and I am
other side of the coin is I should not judge other people based on what they
do, I should not label them or assess them based on their qualifications,
achievements, commitments, dress sense or usefulness (as determined by me). Again, my whole life has been spent
categorising people based on these, and many other, criteria. Now, if I truly embrace the idea that you
don’t have to do to be I have no idea how I will make sense of the world or the
people in it.
I must keep reading and hopefully this concept will start to make more
sense. I’m not usually a fan of the
whole self-help genre but this idea really excites me, and scares me at the
same time. It sounds great in theory, I
just don’t know how it will work in real-life.
do you think? Does this idea that you
don’t have to do to be mess with your mind a little bit?