I
feel so grateful for all the blessings in my life, the amount of love, the
wonderfully rich relationships I get to enjoy, I feel a great responsibility to
recognise, acknowledge and celebrate these blessings, these individuals, these
relationships. This can sometimes feel
like a cover for being lazy, an excuse to talk on the phone, to spend hours on
end with friends and their children, an excuse to go shopping for birthday
gifts, a reason to do craft and play games and a justification for sitting
still and relaxing. Sometimes it is
exhausting just fighting these feelings of guilt, writing this I feel I am
trying to justify my choice, to convince anybody that will listen that staying
at home with our children is a worthwhile pursuit, and one that I am capable and deserving of. I read books on it, attend courses about it,
I am consumed with the desire to prove to myself and world it is alright to
stay at home. Embarrassingly I always
try to work into the conversation that I have two University degrees, see I just did it here, again
trying to justify myself.
God breathed ~ Day dreaming writer ~ Intent on planting seeds of love ~ Desiring to live life beautifully and slowly
Monday 22 October 2012
Adventure of the spirit or excuse to be lazy?
I can not decide if being a Stay at Home Mum (SAHM) is an exciting adventure of the spirit or just my way of hiding from reality and avoiding hard work. Every
day, each hour, even fleeting moments can contain exciting adventures of the
spirit. I love my children, husband and
life so much I have tried to stay busy so I wouldn’t have to feel the complete
emotion, I didn’t want to be completely and utterly overwhelmed by the love,
and the subsequent exhaustion, frustration and constantly changing tempo of
life as a mother and wife. I wanted to
have a small amount of control, my own identity, which I thought I maintained by having many
other things going on in my life ... but I am slowly starting to let go, to let
it all flood in, to be fully present, immerse myself in all its glory, and
endless frustration, and it is wonderful and worrying all at the same
time.
I
have a very detailed idea about what a SAHM should be, she should cook a lot of
beautiful homemade food, it would be preferable if she could sew, she should
have a thriving fruit orchard and vegetable patch and make cordials, jams and
preserves, she must be very frugal and make do in any situation,
she looks after the household finances, she should have at least four children
and her house must be spotless at all times. An extra cherry on top would be if she
ran her own small business from home, preferably her own label of health foods,
homemade beauty products or range of adorable designer kids clothes.
For
some people this is their reality and I will be forever jealous, and if I was
any of these things I don’t think I would struggle with the fact that I do stay
at home. For me a SAHM does everything they tried to teach us in Home Economics,
which I hated, and now I can’t do any of these things. I can love my children, I can make my husband
laugh, I am good at coordinating great parties, I love taking photos and
recording wonderful moments we all share together, I love sitting still and
listening to and sharing stories, if something gets a rip or a hole it gets
tossed out and I throw out a lot of left-overs. I yell sometimes and even occasionally throw
a thing or two, and sometimes I shout out the back door just cause I have
to. None of these things fall into my
idea of what a SAHM looks like but guess what I am still a SAHM. From right now I am going to try and stop
justifying my choice and I am going to enjoy this exciting adventure of the
spirit, goodness knows where it might lead or how long it might last.
I will continue to
pray that I can enjoy it, all of it, and not rob myself of joy by thinking
about all the things I am not.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I think, like most things, motherhood is what you make it. You can choose to commit 100% to it, and be the best Mum you can be, or not. I don't think it matters how you do it, whether you are crafty, or good at cooking, or good at doing activities with your kids, all of the above, or none of the above! As long as you keep the focus on loving your children, and God and giving them your best. But I agree that it is hard to let go of what society shows a 'good' SAHM mum to be. Good thought-provoking post!
ReplyDeleteIt is such a trick to be the best Mum I can be and not be the best Mum I think I should be .. you are so right Robyn, the kids just love spending time with and doing things with me, they don't even realise all the things I can't do :)
ReplyDelete