The closer I draw to truth the happier I am. Life is bright, light, joyful and happy. I am happy to my core. However the truth is easily shaken by fear and worry. It is so easy to let go of what I know to be true when I start to worry, fret, compare, analyse, fear and plan (sometimes 10-25 years ahead). The joy is quickly lost in a heavy fog of hopelessness, guilt and self-loathing. While I am doing something I'll be feeling guilty that I am not doing something else, it is an annoying state to be in and nothing good comes of it.
The trouble with truth is it is constantly expanding and growing and unfolding. A commitment to living in truth is a commitment to constantly being challenged and expanding and questioning deep seeded beliefs. Living in the spirit is mysterious, it requires strong faith and it can easily be shaken by worry and fear.
J.R.R.R Tolkien said "All that is gold does not glitter, not all those who wander are lost", for those committed to living in truth it can feel like a constant journey, wandering a long a path that seems to go on forever, but hopefully we are not lost.
At this point in my life it feels like I am wandering along the path of truth and also building strong foundations, all at the same time. How is it possible? If this makes no sense don't worry, it is pretty unclear for me too.
I feel like I am being guided to explore, question, delve, learn and build; specifically in relation to my faith, our family and our home. This is exciting, empowering, exhausting, monotonous, slow, dull and seemingly endless. There does not look like there is a clear end in sight, because it relation to these three areas there isn't one perfectly correct answer, solution or technique. Again this brings a sense of freedom and frustration.
In an attempt to not have a mental breakdown I am going to shovel manure, literally and metaphorically. It is all good and well to ponder and discuss matters of the heart and soul but at some point this is life, it is a beautiful gift, and we need to live it the best we can, with what we have and what we know.
There is no sure fire way to have a long and happy marriage that results in children that grow into content, well adjusted and useful adults, and although it is time consuming I reckon if you shovel enough love it should turn out alright. No matter how often you go to Church, read the Bible and pray you can never really know you are living the life God created you for. Even though it is time consuming, if you shovel enough love and faith you should get pretty close. No matter how much water, money and creativity you pour into the garden it is probably never going to look like something in Gardening Australia magazine. Although it is time consuming, if you shovel enough manure, worm juice and compost you should end up with something lovely.
The trick will be to ensure I shovel love on the family and manure on the garden and not get them mixed up!!