I have spent much of January at the beach, hanging out with some of my most favourite people in the whole wide world. I have spent many hours writing out my dreams and hopes for the year, doing up dreamboards for 2016, selecting a word for the year and really trying to surge into the year full of hope and optimism, using the wonderfully inspiring Leonie Dawson resources. I have no end of great ideas and dreams but since returning home and with the practicality of life becoming a bit more real I am riddled with doubt.
This isn't a mild case of doubt but kind of severe, leading to a bit of self-loathing and overwhelming feelings of uselessness, despite starting each day with a brisk walk and a positive affirmation my mind has those little niggling voices saying 'ha as if you can do all that', 'oh Justine you are so silly getting your hopes up, you can't do anything let alone that'. Mean huh!!
The Bibles says, in James 1:5-6 "If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind".
I can relate to that. These dreams that I have written down for 2016 are not new, some of them I have been carting around for a decade, most others about three years. Too long. For some obscure reason I sabotage myself, I doubt that I can really do these things, I get tossed and blown moving erratically and definitely not strategically from place to place and let self-doubt win every time.
We all have these days, don't we, when we doubt ourselves and think everything we do is crap, and we feel sad but then we also have those days when we feel like Superman (these are the moments we share all over social media) and I guess it is all just supposed to balance out.
But I am tired of being tossed and blown like a wave, and I'm sick of waiting for it all to just balance out in the end, it is bullshit and 2016 is the year I draw a line in the sand and say 'no more', I sound big and tough but I'm not really, it is a much more timid murmur from the safety and security of my lovely comfy bed, but I mean it, I really do. I get one life, that is it, and next year I turn 40 so I am kind of almost half way through this life so it is time to get going.
Quite literally the only thing standing between me and my dreams is the self talk going on in my head - which I can control! One of my motto's for this year is 'When in doubt do it' so it is settled, I must do it!
What are your dreams and goals for 2016? Is the talk in your head helping or hindering those dreams?