So you think you are pretty clever

You wear nice clothes, you have beautiful children, you drive a lovely car and you own a home, or two or three - so you think you are pretty clever.  You buy organic food, you have an abundant kitchen garden, you don't eat preservatives, you have free range animals, you cook cakes from scratch and you eat 2 fruit and 5 veg every day - so you think you are pretty clever.  You went to a fancy school, you know big words, you go on exotic holidays, you can speak more than one language, you have sponsor children, you have a university degree/s - so you think you are pretty clever.  Your picture is in the paper a lot, you have hundreds of people follow you on Twitter, your blog is read by thousands, you take great photos on Instagram - so you think you are pretty clever. 

Who ever you are, what ever you do or don't do, I absolutely agree you are pretty clever but no more, or no less, clever than anybody else.  Most of your cleverness has been determined by the amount of unconditional love you received as a child, the country you were born in, the level of education you received and your genetics.  So much of your cleverness is out of your control.

So definitely believe you are clever, but you have been created clever on purpose.  You have been created clever to help your fellow human beings, to love your neighbour.  You have been created clever so you can make the world a better place, to bring joy to the lives of those around you and to love deeply.

You will experience great disappointment if you think your cleverness is purely because off you, and solely for your benefit.  Never think people you deem less clever than you should be treated differently to how you want to be treated, that is not very clever at all.  Never think you are the most clever, you are wrong. As Proverbs 27:1 says "Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring", this is worth remembering before you start telling everybody how clever you are.

So whether you can read or not, whether you are good at maths or not, whether you are black or white, whether you have lots of money or not, whether you can paint, dance, sing or not, whether you are employed or not, whether you have no children or 10 children, whether you are beautiful or not, whether you have a home or not, whether you are young or old, whether you are hungry or not; the truth of the matter is you are so very clever.  The trick is turning your cleverness into joy, positive change, compassion and empathy - now that is clever.

Guacamole and snow peas

I scoop a sweet crisp snow pea into the delicious guacamole and top with a juicy purple grape before popping the taste sensation in my mouth.  It is simple and good, which is the hope I have for my entire life.  This yummy random treat reminds me just how full of hope, love and joy my heart is right at this very minute. 

I experienced a wonderful spiritual journey during Advent, this particular bible verse from the Christmas story captured my heart and imagination “When they heard the king they departed; and behold, the star which they had seen in the East went before them, till it came and stood over where the young Child was.  When they saw the star, they rejoiced with exceedingly great joy” (Matthew 2:9-10).  I have no idea how far the Wise Men walked before they arrived at the manger where Jesus had been born, or how many there were, but can you imagine being filled with such conviction, having such a strong faith, that you would pick up and just follow a star.  I love to imagine what exceedingly great joy might have looked like all those years ago but I reckon it was pretty awesome.  This one verse filled my heart throughout Christmas and has followed me into the New Year.

Three other quotes that repeat themselves constantly in my head at the moment are “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life” Proverbs 4:23; “And Jesus went about Galilee, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the gospel of the kingdom and healing all kinds of sickness and all kinds of disease among the people” (Matthew 4:23) and “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another” (Proverbs 27:17).

If you watched the news, listened to the ABC radio, went on Facebook or Twitter during the festive season you would have been bombarded with horrific stories of stabbings, shootings, fatal road accidents, drowning, fatal quad bike accidents, gang rapes and the list goes on.  These stories seep into your mind and heart like toxic smoke, they make it hard to breath and your perception of mankind, the world and your life is altered.  I very actively try and limit worldly negativity because I simply cannot carry the burden, my heart aches and I see pain all around me.  I do not believe our light can shine if we are weighed down with the heavy burdens of the world. 

At the same time I know I have a responsibility to my global brothers and sisters to help overcome and address poverty, injustice, human trafficking.  I feel I have been abundantly blessed so I am better able to help those less fortunate then myself.  However, watching and talking about the misery, pain and suffering of others does not actually help anyone.  I see our community and country overrun with fear, worry, guilt, depression, anxiety, obesity and brokenness and yes I feel a huge desire to help, to help ease the burden of others, but I still believe there is a freer, more liberating, joy filled, love focused existence available to all of us.  If only we could have child-like faith in God, if only our hearts and imaginations could be captured daily by the mystery and magic of the Christmas story, I think it could be so much better.

Am I over simplifying life, maybe? I just feel if we surround ourselves with good, happy, fun people and experiences, like Jesus and the wonderful stories about what He said and did while he was on Earth; if we read, listen to and participate in what makes our hearts feel happy and light then just maybe we could be healed of all kinds of sickness and all kinds of disease.  We would be healthier, more rested and better able to answer the call of God.  What do you think?

Be daring, be different, be impractical

Cecil Beaton said  “Be daring, be different, be impractical, be anything that will assert integrity of purpose and imaginative vision against the play-it-safers, the creatures of the commonplace, the slaves of the ordinary.”

I love this quote.  I feel different nearly all of the time, the only place I feel the same, or normal, is when I am with my husband, children, sister,  Mum and bestie, and they certainly aren’t normal so I suppose that confirms I am not normal either.  I’m not so good at being daring or impractical ... yet, but I’m working on it.  I hope our children have inherited our ‘not normalness’, and they grow up to be imaginative and daring.  Who would want to be a creature of the commonplace?

Most of my life I have limited myself to only spending time with people that I deem different, impractical and fun, the ordinary and serious seemed so dull.  However as I grow up I am starting to think a) I may actually be very ordinary and fairly serious and b) maybe nobody is ordinary, and everybody is a little different, so I could in fact enjoy the company of a much broader cross section of the community.  Interesting, sounds good in theory but I am yet to see how it will be applied in real life.

 M. Scott Peck said “Share our similarities, celebrate our differences”, this idea intrigues me, just because people don’t agree with me, or even really appeal to me, doesn’t mean I have to instantly dislike them.  I am also starting to discover that I am not always right, I know gasp in shock!! I am starting to think that often there is no right thought, feeling, opinion or idea and all these things can change regularly.  I am trying to embrace and accept the beauty of the mystery of life, I don’t feel so compelled to convince people of my way of thinking, I don’t know very much at all, so I would be better off keep my mouth closed a little more often and my ears open.

As a society how do you think we cope with differences?  I think we generally feel uncomfortable with different.  People with different beliefs, thoughts and ideas challenge us to think and make us consider other options.  People who choose to live their lives differently, educate and raise their children differently, worship differently, love differently, dress differently; they can all be confronting, it makes us think we might be doing something wrong, we feel threatened.  Natural instinct is to dislike, discredit and disagree.  It is only our own insecurities that make us unable to handle and accept different.

It helps me to remember that the person who is different is generally not being different to antagonise me, annoy me or change me, often they are just being themselves.  They see the world a little differently, they have had different experiences and relationships and different things are important to them.  I am convinced the different is all part of the perfect plan, I just have to accept it.

So I am going to try so much harder to open my mind, not change my values, but not be so dismissive and derogatory of different, a very big challenge for me.

Is life a perpetual contradiction?

I have been involved in a number of conversations lately and I have realised how differently each of us sees the world.  Depending on our beliefs, teachings and experiences we all interpret our world and what is going on around us slightly differently.  I can often believe something very passionately and then I will have an experience that alters, deepens or erases that belief.  I can say one thing and then do the complete opposite, it is very confusing.

Last night I saw the end of a documentary about Paul the Apostle and it discussed how his writings in the New Testament have influenced society more than most of us would recognise.  He said some beautiful, empowering and inspiring things that revolutionized how people thought about and treated each other.  We have one of his quotes hanging in our kitchen “Love is patient, love is kind, love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way, it is not irritable or resentful, it does not rejoice in wrong doing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes in all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends” (1 Corinthians 13:4-7).  He also said “There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” Galatians 3:28.

However, Paul is also quoted as saying some much less loving and inclusive things, like “A woman should learn in quietness and full submission. I do not permit a woman to teach or to assume authority over a man; she must be quiet” (1 Timothy 2:11-12).

The documentary highlighted the contradictions in Paul’s writings and it made me think of all the contradictions in my own life.  For example I find thinking and talking about money offensive and dull however I love spending money; I hate paying taxes but I love that we have high quality public hospitals and public schools; I feel as if love and relationship is the most important thing and earthly possessions are meaningless but I am very attached to our home and where we live; I believe every human being has been perfectly created yet I think and say some very unkind things about these perfectly created human beings, myself included.   The list goes on. It is like I have this ideal in my head that I strive for but sometimes the reality for me is quite different, creating a world and life full of contradictions.

William Blake, English poet and painter who died in 1827 said “Do what you will, this world’s a fiction and is made up of contradiction.”  I tend to agree.  Look at Saint Paul he made three long missionary journeys throughout the Roman Empire, planting churches, preaching the gospel, and giving strength and encouragement to early Christians. Of the 27 books in the New Testament, Paul is credited as the author of 13 of them. Paul was martyred for his faith in Christ by the Romans, about 64 or 65 A.D. Paul towers as one of the all-time giants of Christianity yet still he was surrounded by many contradictions, so what hope do the rest of us have?

Do you think it is possible to live without contradictions?  Do your own contradictions bother you or do you just embrace them as part of your unique, curious and magnificent personality?

Adventure of the spirit or excuse to be lazy?

I can not decide if being a Stay at Home Mum (SAHM) is an exciting adventure of the spirit or just my way of hiding from reality and avoiding hard work.    Every day, each hour, even fleeting moments can contain exciting adventures of the spirit.  I love my children, husband and life so much I have tried to stay busy so I wouldn’t have to feel the complete emotion, I didn’t want to be completely and utterly overwhelmed by the love, and the subsequent exhaustion, frustration and constantly changing tempo of life as a mother and wife.  I wanted to have a small amount of control, my own identity, which I thought I maintained by having many other things going on in my life ... but I am slowly starting to let go, to let it all flood in, to be fully present, immerse myself in all its glory, and endless frustration, and it is wonderful and worrying all at the same time. 

I feel so grateful for all the blessings in my life, the amount of love, the wonderfully rich relationships I get to enjoy, I feel a great responsibility to recognise, acknowledge and celebrate these blessings, these individuals, these relationships.  This can sometimes feel like a cover for being lazy, an excuse to talk on the phone, to spend hours on end with friends and their children, an excuse to go shopping for birthday gifts, a reason to do craft and play games and a justification for sitting still and relaxing.  Sometimes it is exhausting just fighting these feelings of guilt, writing this I feel I am trying to justify my choice, to convince anybody that will listen that staying at home with our children is a worthwhile pursuit, and one that I am capable and deserving of.  I read books on it, attend courses about it, I am consumed with the desire to prove to myself and world it is alright to stay at home.  Embarrassingly I always try to work into the conversation that I have two University degrees, see I just did it here, again trying to justify myself.

 

I have a very detailed idea about what a SAHM should be, she should cook a lot of beautiful homemade food, it would be preferable if she could sew, she should have a thriving fruit orchard and vegetable patch and make cordials, jams and preserves, she must be very frugal and make do in any situation, she looks after the household finances, she should have at least four children and her house must be spotless at all times.  An extra cherry on top would be if she ran her own small business from home, preferably her own label of health foods, homemade beauty products or range of adorable designer kids clothes.

 

For some people this is their reality and I will be forever jealous, and if I was any of these things I don’t think I would struggle with the fact that I do stay at home. For me a SAHM does everything they tried to teach us in Home Economics, which I hated, and now I can’t do any of these things.  I can love my children, I can make my husband laugh, I am good at coordinating great parties, I love taking photos and recording wonderful moments we all share together, I love sitting still and listening to and sharing stories, if something gets a rip or a hole it gets tossed out and I throw out a lot of left-overs.  I yell sometimes and even occasionally throw a thing or two, and sometimes I shout out the back door just cause I have to.  None of these things fall into my idea of what a SAHM looks like but guess what I am still a SAHM.  From right now I am going to try and stop justifying my choice and I am going to enjoy this exciting adventure of the spirit, goodness knows where it might lead or how long it might last.

 

I will continue to pray that I can enjoy it, all of it, and not rob myself of joy by thinking about all the things I am not. 

Living the dream is off to a slow start

Since I finished University and entered the workforce in 1999 my life has been about one deadline, event, project or function after another.  I have been involved in coordinating, promoting, attending and completing more community events and projects, big and small, than I care to remember.  Then once we decided to become parents back in 2005 there has been a lot of planning, organising, heartbreak and celebrating tied up in that process, which for us has been an eight year journey to get two beautiful children.

After many months I have finally made the decision to be a full-time Mum with no part-time jobs on the side.  I want to be fully present with my children and husband, I want us to have the time and energy to realise our dreams of living lightly, trying to produce our own food, not creating so much waste, setting faith and family as our priorities every day and not getting caught up in consumerism/materialism.  Sounds great but it is proving much more challenging than I thought.

I thought my life would look like the pictures out of an Australian Country Style magazine, but not yet.  Since making this decision my body feels like it is shutting down. I am having a whole range of strange symptoms including fatigue, conjunctivitis, blocked ears, head colds, body aches and I think my body is physically realigning to the fact that I have no deadline in my head, no to-do list, there is no plan for the first time in a long time.  I think I may have over-relied on my Catecholamine hormones (these regulate stress responses and includes adrenaline) and now my body has to start functioning without them.  I have no medical training but this theory sounds good to me.

 

To make it worse our home life has not become miraculously more organised since making this commitment.  There is still a massive amount of washing to be folded and packed away, the floors need vacuuming and mopping and I have not embarked on my juicing, bread making and homemade baking as I desire.  Life is pretty much the same as before I just have absolutely no money and feel more tired than ever before.  I’m not sure this was the plan.

 

Anyway, despite the immediate shortcomings of my plan I am determined to continue with the experiment, I hope I have made the right decision, and even if it takes 20 years to reap the rewards, if there are any rewards to reap, I hope I have the courage and conviction to try and live my life the way I feel I have been created to live it.  Wish me luck.

Does your life resemble art?

“This particular artwork is lacking in detail, the perspective is unusual and there does not seem to be a strong focus but it is light and draws in the eye, there is something captivating yet indescribable about the piece”. If my life was art I think this is what an art critic might say. 

 

Often everyday life sucks the air right out of my lungs, the weight of responsibility is heavy on my shoulders and I get exhausted thinking about what needs to be done, before I have even done anything.  I get so bogged down in and consumed by what I think I ought to be doing and this, along with the guilt of not doing most of it,  has consumed most of my life to date. 

 

Recently I have found it necessary to strip my life right back to the core, which for me is God, family, love and relationships.  I am struggling with the process.  I feel lazy and irresponsible dropping off all my commitments but I genuinely feel they were distracting me from what is truly important, the joy of living.  All I want to do is praise and worship my heavenly Father; nurture, recognise and enjoy Mother Earth and love my husband, children, family and friends with all my heart.  For me, these things require all my time and effort. 

 

Money, my little earthly brain says, oh but what about the money, how are you going to make money and I don’t know.   I feel so abundantly blessed in so many ways that I feel I am doing an injustice to bring money into my life equation.  Easy enough for me to say, I’ve always had enough money for anything I have ever needed.  Money has seemed to take care of itself in my life, so far anyway, so I will continue not to focus on or worry about that.  In making that statement I feel incredibly irresponsible and selfish but I just don’t feel I was created to focus on money, but see how it has hijacked my thinking right here, I’m going to move on.

So, as I sit here in my pyjamas at 8:20am, my children play noisily on the deck, my husband is driving his beat up old tractor around his paddock just because he can, the washing machine is going, the breakfast dishes are stacked in the sink, the sky is blue, the air is warm, the birds are singing and I am going to go and plant trees along our driveway.  I will try not to think about all the other things I should be doing, everything that needs to get done next week, what I will cook for dinner, what people would think if they came to visit right now, all the things I would love to have and I will try to block out the insecurities, the fears, the worry and just live in the moment.  I will appreciate and recognise all the blessings that surround me, right now.

If I can learn to do this with every minute than my life might resemble art, and wouldn’t that be magnificent.  I know my life has been created by an amazing artists on a spectacularly amazing canvas, so what am I waiting for?  What do you think, does your life look like art?