What the world needs now is love sweet love

What do you think the absolutely most important thing you should do while you are on earth?  Work hard to demonstrate your brilliance for all to observe, build an empire for your children to inherit, volunteer at a community organisation and make a difference in your local town, increase your knowledge and understanding and receive a lot of university degrees, become famous so people tell you how wonderful you are, be a politician so you can influence the future of your region, state or nation or maybe have as much fun as possible.  Or do you think the most important thing is to love your spouse, children, family and friends, or spend all your time, and most of your money, giving your children all the opportunities you never had. 

There are so many ways we can spend our time on earth, many of them noble and wonderful.  If we don’t consciously decide what our absolute number one priority is there is a risk we will spend valuable time doing lots of things that aren’t actually important, and this will lead to lots of regrets.

I absolutely believe the only important thing we can do is to love, everything we do needs to come from a place of love.  Here is a very clear instruction for life, “Most of all, love each other as if your life depended on it. Love makes up for practically anything.” Loving someone as if your life depends on it, doesn’t that sound fabulous.  Not just a half hearted thing we take for granted.  If there is somebody who loves you and you love them back, we need to prioritise that love, if you can do something to make someone feel loved, do it.  It might be just making them a cup of tea, sending them a text to let them know you are thinking of them, giving them a hug, watching them perform, listening to their ideas, dreams or opinions without judging, being kind and thoughtful.  Often it is really simple acts that make us feel loved.  Turn off the television, mute your phone, put down the iPad and love somebody instead.

If somebody loves you, treasure it like gold.  We need to do all that we can to protect, maintain and grow love.  Don’t ever take love for granted, don’t be too quick to throw it away and try your hardest never to betray that love.  To be loved is the absolute greatest gift we will ever receive.  I have been blessed all my life, I have felt loved by my parents, sister, grandparents, aunties and now my husband and children, truly, fiercely and completely loved.  Sometimes this has led to disappointment and sadness but mostly it is has made my life joyful and complete and wonderful. 

However, loving people who love us is just the start and that should be really easy.  Loving our planet, our sisters and brothers all over the world, the homeless, the hungry, the sad and the friendless, this is where the love challenge really begins.  Loving people who are mean to us, those who look different to us, speak differently, and think and believe different things to us, loving those who behave in a way we do not understand, this is where love gets challenging.  However, this is where love is so very important, and it can start with you. 

Don’t think about whether you like people, just love them – full stop.  Easier said than done, and I am not so good at it, but I do believe love, receiving love, giving love, acting out of love, being all consumed by love (in a healthy way not a stalker obsessive kind of way), will ensure you live the most wonderful life and your time spent on earth, while not devoid of sadness or disappointment, will be meaningful, and leave a legacy for future generations.

Matters of the heart

Does it really matter what we watch on TV, what we read in magazines, who we spend time with?  It matters possibly more than we understand.  If you set yourself a challenge to talk about, read and watch more positive than negative you will be surprised at the constant bombardment of negative, useless and untrue information we allow into our heart and mind.  This has a direct impact on our actions, thoughts, words and therefore our entire lives.

There is so much money directed towards healthy lifestyle messages, encouraging people to eat correctly and exercise to improve their health.  I think an equal amount of time and money should be given encouraging people to fill their hearts with true and good information, experiences and thoughts.  As the rates of suicide, divorce, depression, alcohol and drug addiction and gambling continue to rise it is fair to ask is there a better way.

The world is actually full of good, every single day we are surrounded by endless blessings that we often just don’t see.  Yes there is suffering and heartache, there is illness and death, there is poverty and abuse and we are constantly reminded of these things.  Why is that?  Why do we watch news bulletins and buy papers about wars, accidents, death and destruction.  I lived in a small country town in NSW and was good friends with the local journalist.  She was a good, kind person who tried to influence her community by printing more positive stories than negative.  I lived there for over four years and the only time the local newspaper sold out was when a fatal car accident was featured on the front page.  What does that say about us?

I use to love watching Dancing with the Stars but in the interest of trying to fill my heart with good I no longer watch it.  There is so much unnecessary name calling, drama and for the most part you are celebrating the misery and misfortune of other people.  It seems harmless, there are lots of beautiful people, fantastic sets, lots of jovial laughing and great music all in the name of entertainment so does it really matter.  I kind of think it does?

I even find it hard to take a genuine interest in politics at any level due to the constant personal attacks on the opposition.  If you want to fill your heart with good how it is possible to know what is going on in the world, do you have to become a hermit or become the most boring person known to mankind.  I don’t think so, but I have not completed the experiment so I can’t make any promises. I also think it is vital we continue to hear the cries of our precious brothers and sisters around the world who need us to fight for their food, freedom, dignity and safety.  Filling our heart with good is no excuse to not be compassionate or connected, it just means you obtain, process and act on information in a very specific and purposeful manner.

In my attempt to fill my heart with good I fall off the bandwagon regularly, I still participate in conversations that occasionally make a negative judgment or comment about somebody or something, I watch movies that are funny because they are making fun of others, I love stand-up comedy which is nearly always based on bagging a certain person, race, religion etc for a laugh.  I have a long way to go before I can say my heart is completely filled with good, but I am committed to trying.  I truly believe that by protecting our hearts from the negative our health, our relationships, our lives and ultimately our world will benefit greatly. 

The value of a great childhood

A recent trip to Brisbane made me think of how precious a childhood is, each one of us only gets one chance at a childhood and I think, as individuals, a community and society we should be consciously committed to giving all our children a lovely childhood.

Henri Frederic Amiel, a Swiss philosopher poet and critic who lived in the 1800’s said “Blessed be childhood, which brings down something of heaven into the midst of our rough earthliness”.  There is no denying life can be tough, for some it is  tough from the very first breath, for others a beautiful life can get tough when they start school, or leave home or experience death, divorce, disappointment, disease or loneliness.  Some would argue that we have to toughen our kids up young, help them understand the harsh realities of life, so they know how to survive.  I don’t really agree.

Patty Wipfler writes on the Hand in Hand website “Though we work hard to prevent it, our children will be hurt by crises. They will need a reservoir of confidence in themselves to come through well.  Studies have shown that if just one person in a child's life is consistently supportive, a child is much more likely to overcome difficult circumstances. Just one person who is enthusiastic about the child. Just one person who lights up when the child walks into the room. Feeling close to one dependable adult is at the heart of resilience for children”.

This is not saying to provide a great childhood we need to offer endless sporting, musical, dramatic and social experiences to our children or is it saying a child needs to have endless clothes and rooms full of toys, or that discipline and disappointment are crucial to a good childhood.  Money, socio-economic status or education level do not determine whether a childhood is great; it is love, acceptance and freedom to explore and grow.

In Australian Country Style May 2012 edition it was described that when Sydney Fashion Designer Marnie Skillings is creating a new collection of clothes for her Paddington shop, her memory is often stirred by her childhood. I am sure our childhood shapes our adult lives in many complex ways.

School is a crucial aspect of most childhoods, with formal education starting for some as young as four years old.  I speak to a lot of parents who are concerned about our current education system.  The National Curriculum is setting very stringent guidelines for what and how our children should learn.  For teachers to meet all the objectives and outcomes and still embrace play based learning strategies it takes a lot of skill, time and energy.  Surely, a great way to help all children have a great childhood would be to invest much more heavily in the skills and resources for our early childhood educators. 

I also think being a parent needs a whole new marketing campaign.  A recent survey in America found that two-thirds of 18- to 34-year-old women say being successful in a high-paying career is “one of the most important things” or “very important” in their lives.  Professional ambition is admirable and vital to the economy and society but the ambition to be a great parent, fully committed to creating a happy childhood for the next generation is also noble and important and should be more highly valued and regarded.

I am not talking about creating Utopia, sadly some children are always going to suffer, and this breaks my heart, but I don’t see what harm can come of being committed to creating happy childhoods for as many children as possible.  What do you think?

Just like gravity, wanting more, will always bring you down

Why do we always want more?  What stops us from being genuinely content with what we have right here at this very moment?  Each one of us is guilty of wanting more, more time to spend with our children, more money, more time on earth, more clothes, more friends, more youth, more productivity from our employees .... more, more, more.  Society has become consumed by the desire for more but we have a responsibility to stop it right now otherwise we are condemning future generations to disappointment and sadness because we can’t always have more – it is not physically possible.

A few years ago the Reserve Bank of Australia figures showed mortgage, credit card and personal loan debts stood  at $1.2 trillion, equating to $56,000 for every man, woman and child in this country.  This figure keeps growing, but at some point it will stop.

We get distracted by what the media tells us is important, they want us to get distracted by politics, terrorism, power, fear and materialism, all these things keep us spending money which keeps them in business.  In fact, I believe the greatest risk to our happiness, financial security and the well being of our family and the future of the world is our constant and insatiable desire for more.

The European sovereign debt crisis is something I don’t really understand but it seems whole nations could possibly go bankrupt due to people’s desire for more.  I watched a show on the situation in Ireland and it reported that people were so desperate for more growth and wealth they built more houses than there were people in Ireland to live in them with money that never actually existed – seems strange but not in today’s world.

Just like you I am absolutely guilty of wanting more.  We just realised a long held dream of moving slightly out of town so we can raise our family in a peaceful and beautiful rural environment.  The minute we settled in I focused on wanting to extend the house, wanting a new bathroom, wanting an established garden.  When I get all these things there will be another list, we will never get to the end of our list of wanting more unless we consciously stop ourselves.

The only day any of us are guaranteed of living is this one.  We have come to expect we will have millions of moments to really enjoy life, when we get everything we want and need.  However that moment may never come, we have to enjoy it now, with what we have in our hands right now.  One of my favourite songs is All Your Need is Love by the Beattles, and one of the lines is “Nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be”... so true.

So do yourself a big favour.  Release yourself from the trap of wanting more.  Look at what you have and be truly, deeply happy.  Rest your soul and your mind, smile and be glad, with all that you have right now.

Be nice ... please

Can you change the world by being nice or do nice people finish last?  The longer I live the more important I think it is to be nice.  Not fake, sickly sweet, over the top, drama queen nice but genuinely kind, thoughtful, heartfelt nice.  I am also beginning to realise it takes great courage, a lot of self confidence and commitment to be nice.  As a society a lot of our media and entertainment comes from not being nice, magazines constantly highlight and describe the pain and misfortune in the lives of celebrities, politicians are constantly horrible about each other, the cool kids at school maintain their status by being mean to others and even as adults often we make ourselves feel better, smarter, more important or popular by being not so nice about other people, excluding them and judging them.

However, recently I have been bombarded with encounters with nice people, a nice real estate agent, a nice solicitor, nice teachers, super nice friends, nice check out attendants, nice people to interview and photograph, just nice people everywhere I turn and it has been spectacular.  This got me thinking how much I really like nice people, and by people being nice they actually have a huge influence in their family, social groups, the community and even the world.

I consider myself incredibly blessed to know and be friends with so many truly nice people, they are really thoughtful and I am hoping their nice-ness is rubbing off on me and influencing my life because it is my experience that nice people do not finish last.  So what does it take to actually be nice?  Basically, you just have to make the conscious decision to be nice, each and every day.  Things like answering the phone with a smile on your voice, giving people a wave and saying hello enthusiastically, lending friends something that will make their life easier or happier, letting people with less items go ahead of you in the line, being considerate to elderly people, not getting impatient when things don’t go exactly as you planned, not talking negatively about people, whether they are in the room or not.  The list is endless.

Some of you are probably thinking ‘If I am nice people will just walk all over me’, not true.  If you are nice, people will like you, they will want to help you, they will want to spend time with you, they will want to be friends with you and other nice people will be nice to you.  Trust me, being nice will make your life better, guaranteed.

Being nice sometimes takes courage, you may offer to help someone and they might say no, you might invite a new person to something and they might say no, you may be nice to somebody and they may throw it back in your face.  Remember the Peter Gabriel song from the 80’s ‘ Don’t give up, ‘cos you have friends; don’t give up your not beaten yet; Don’t give up, I know you can make it good ... please don’t give up, you’re not the only one’.  Sing this song in your head and keep being nice. 

Michael Kornfeld famously said “If we all do one random act of kindness daily, we just might set the world in the right direction”.  It is worth a try isn’t it?  Don’t just leave positive social change to our schools, politicians, media moguls, entrepreneurs or world aid agencies each one of us can set the world in the right direction just by being nice.  Try it, you will feel great and you will not finish last.

Time-poor

If I hear one more radio interview or television advertisement that refers to society as being “time-poor” I think I will scream.  I hate the term, it makes me feel like I have been taken hostage by life and it is sucking all my time away against my will.  It makes me feel like a victim of the times, that I am permanently stuck on a tread-mill and I can’t get off. 

Next time somebody asks me how I have been I am going to say “Great, I have been filling my days doing things that I like”.  I do not want to be selfish or lazy but I do want to have control of my life, and I want to spend my precious time on this earth doing what it important to me.

The concept of being time-poor is perpetuated by the desire to make money.  Take-away restaurants want us to be too ‘time-poor’ to cook our own meals, supermarkets want us to be too ‘time-poor’ to grow our own fruit and vegetables, daycare centres want us to be too ‘time-poor’ to be able to look after our children, gyms want us to be too ‘time poor’ to walk to the shops, cleaners, handymen, ironing services all want us to be too ‘time poor’ to take care of our own home, accountants wants us to be too ‘time poor’ to do our own taxes.  The list goes on and on.  It seems being ‘time poor’ makes the world go round.

I am hopeful that rather than just hear and accept this term as a society we can fight back, we can spend time doing what we want, we can be proud to say we are content, happy and peaceful.  I just find it crazy that we have to be seen, and heard, to be busy to justify our existence, being busy seems more important than being happy. 

Two things make me think there is nothing worse than being time poor.  The first is the saying “Where your treasure is, there will be your heart”, which I think means whatever you value, whatever you invest your time doing that is where your heart will be, and this is what will make you truly happy.  If we are time-poor the risk of placing our heart on the wrong treasures is too great.  In the rush the first things that often get left behind are our family, friends, hobbies, faith, all the things that make us laugh, skip with joy and give our life flavour get left behind because we are too busy just being busy.

The second thing is the brevity of life.  There is another saying “You can’t control the length of your life but you can control its depth”.  So if we are so busy being busy what are we doing to give our lives depth.  If I drop off the perch tomorrow I want the days that I had to be meaningful and enjoyable. How devastatingly sad if at your funeral they stand up and say “Well she was always busy”, that is no claim to fame.

I don’t really have the answer to take the busy-ness out of our lives, we do live in hectic times, but maybe if we just try and reclaim our lives a little, if we don’t see it as a competition to be busier than the next person and if we can say we spent the day at home just hanging out without being embarrassed. If we can try and ensure our heart is set on the most important treasures in our lives maybe we can fight the time-poor phenomenon and live a life truly worth living.

Are you normal?

In recent weeks I have observed people participate in their local community in ways they normally wouldn’t.  People have rallied together to help individuals, organisations, businesses and the entire community get back on their feet.  Many people have done so unassumingly and quietly, others have gone about it with a loud and determined manner, others have done things none of us will ever know about.  Each individual should feel proud of their efforts, however big or small, and nobody should assess or judge how, what and why people have done, or not done, things.  How people have responded after the disaster got me thinking about our ability, as a society, to value each individual.

As soon as a child is born we want to be reassured that everything is ok, that they are ‘normal’, the same as every other baby.  However, the other night I saw an interview with Paralympian Kurt Fearnley who was born without the lower portions of his body and he was amazing, the joy that shone from his face was uplifting and he spoke about his life with such affection and fun.  He was raised in the tiny country town of Carcoar in Central West NSW, he was the youngest of five, and he said his family and whole community believed he could do anything, and he has done just that.  He has crawled along the Great Wall of China, completed the Kokoda Trail, is a two time Paralympic Champion and has had lunch with the Queen.  He has done more than most of us will ever do and he only has half a body. 

From the minute a child is born there are milestones they should meet, from when they should sit up, crawl, walk and talk and this only gets exaggerated when they go to school.  The need for children to conform is so great that it is often difficult to appreciate, enjoy and celebrate their uniqueness.  As we grow up we quickly learn that if we want to fit in we should dress like everybody else, sound like everybody else and pretty much just agree with everybody else.  So is conformity the ticket to success or the secret to mediocrity?  As a society we give accolades, congratulations, promotions, praise and awards to those who succeed in and contribute to society in a way that makes us feel safe, that looks normal and that we agree with.  There would be an equal number of people that contribute and succeed by challenging the status quo, constantly pushing the boundaries, pushing us forward as a society but we probably find them more annoying than helpful, even though what they are doing is vital. 

John F. Kennedy said “Conformity is the jailer of freedom and the enemy of growth” and Thomas John Watson, who was the chairman and CEO of IBM and was one of the richest men in the world when he died said “Follow the path of the unsafe, independent thinker. Expose your ideas to the danger of controversy. Speak your mind and fear less the label of crackpot than the stigma of conformity”.

Now I am not suggesting that we are all independent thinkers, and I am not advocating we have no rules and we all just run around wild and free, there needs to be structure or society will collapse and there needs to be lots of people who think, do and feel similar things otherwise life would just be too complicated.  I am simply suggesting that as individuals and a society we might need to try harder to value each individual, not on their achievements, looks, personality traits, good deeds or financial success, but just for being, because every single one of us is truly special and gifted and sometimes beauty, talent, kindness, brilliance, generosity and fun is overlooked or not seen simply because the individual or group does not conform to what we deem ‘normal’.  Life is too short to limit ourselves to normal.