Is shovelling manure the answer to all of life's big questions?

The closer I draw to truth the happier I am.  Life is bright, light, joyful and happy.  I am happy to my core.  However the truth is easily shaken by fear and worry.  It is so easy to let go of what I know to be true when I start to worry, fret, compare, analyse, fear and plan (sometimes 10-25 years ahead).  The joy is quickly lost in a heavy fog of hopelessness, guilt and self-loathing.  While I am doing something I'll be feeling guilty that I am not doing something else, it is an annoying state to be in and nothing good comes of it.

The trouble with truth is it is constantly expanding and growing and unfolding.  A commitment to living in truth is a commitment to constantly being challenged and expanding and questioning deep seeded beliefs.  Living in the spirit is mysterious, it requires strong faith and it can easily be shaken by worry and fear.

J.R.R.R Tolkien said "All that is gold does not glitter, not all those who wander are lost", for those committed to living in truth it can feel like a constant journey, wandering a long a path that seems to go on forever, but hopefully we are not lost.

At this point in my life it feels like I am wandering along the path of truth and also building strong foundations, all at the same time.  How is it possible?  If this makes no sense don't worry, it is pretty unclear for me too.

I feel like I am being guided to explore, question, delve, learn and build; specifically in relation to my faith, our family and our home.  This is exciting, empowering, exhausting, monotonous, slow, dull and seemingly endless.  There does not look like there is a clear end in sight, because it relation to these three areas there isn't one perfectly correct answer, solution or technique.  Again this brings a sense of freedom and frustration.

In an attempt to not have a mental breakdown I am going to shovel manure, literally and metaphorically.  It is all good and well to ponder and discuss matters of the heart and soul but at some point this is life, it is a beautiful gift, and we need to live it the best we can, with what we have and what we know.

There is no sure fire way to have a long and happy marriage that results in children that grow into content, well adjusted and useful adults, and although it is time consuming I reckon if you shovel enough love it should turn out alright.  No matter how often you go to Church, read the Bible and pray you can never really know you are living the life God created you for.  Even though it is time consuming, if you shovel enough love and faith you should get pretty close.  No matter how much water, money and creativity you pour into the garden it is probably never going to look like something in Gardening Australia magazine.  Although it is time consuming, if you shovel enough manure, worm juice and compost you should end up with something lovely.

The trick will be to ensure I shovel love on the family and manure on the garden and not get them mixed up!!

Don't be afraid to sparkle a little brighter

The word sparkle has been placed on my heart for two days now, despite my best efforts to ignore it.  We have been driving for the past day and a half returning home after visiting family.  It is a long, dull drive and the word sparkle kept coming to mind, I definitely didn't feel like sparkling.  When we finally got home we discovered the power had been off for at least a day maybe more, most of our food was ruined and had to be thrown out, again the word sparkle came to mind, my response to this word was not favourable.  Then at 3am last night our sweet little 3 year old started vomiting and has been unwell now for hours, actually vomiting directly into my face, and what word came to mind, SPARKLE and I thought hell no I don't want to sparkle.  Today is the first day in 16 years that I  am completely unemployed, not earning a single cent or directly contributing to the economy.  Whilst this is a conscience decision I am scared and again all I can think is sparkle, are you serious?

Despite all these inconveniences and a few fears and worries, I do want to sparkle. The word makes me smile, 'a glittering flash of light' or 'to give off or reflect flashes of light'.  Once I started thinking about it I had in fact had a solid fortnight of sparkle moments.  We had beautiful friends visit who radiate love, compassion and joy and they filled our home with indescribable happiness = sparkle.  Our daughter attended her first motorbike gymkhana and smiled big all day = sparkle.  My husband and I were invited to be Godparents for the most adorable little boy and the baptism ceremony was amazingly spiritual and soothed my soul = sparkle.  My husband had a birthday, our girls decorated glasses and lit candles and friends came for dinner, there was lots of laughing, yummy food and good wine = sparkle.  We got to visit my family, and my nieces are blow your mind amazing in every way and our daughters were smothered in pure love = sparkle.  I got to visit Circular Quay in Sydney on a breath takingly beautiful and clear winters day and the Sydney Opera House and Sydney Harbour Bridge shone bright, warming my heart and my senses = sparkle.  As we drove home after our big road trip our daughter saw and school and said 'yippee, I love my school' = sparkle, on and on these sparkle moments go, no wonder the word was placed on my heart.

Our world, this society we have created, media, gossip, fear, greed and worry are all working towards dulling down our sparkle.  Each day there is a constant battle between sparkle and not to sparkle, we make the choice which way we will look.  We decide whether we will add sparkle to this world or whether we will detract sparkles.  We do this in our homes, our workplaces and our community, we do this by the words we speak, the things we do, how we spend our time and what we prioritise, the shows we watch, the music we listen to and every single choice we make. 

There will be people reading this and thinking I am being unrealistic, unsophisticated and maybe superficial, that life can't be all about sparkle because life is tough.  Yes life is tough, sometimes terrible things happen, but I still see it as the most worthwhile of all pursuits to add love, kindness and sparkle and try and make the world a little less tough, a little less hurtful and a little less selfish.

So 'keep calm and sparkle on' is my motto at the moment and I hope you will join me in trying to share your sparkle where ever you are, even if you don't really feel like it sometimes.

I heard love

Yesterday I heard love and it had a physical effect on me which I’m still feeling 24 hours later.  It is so difficult to try and assign words to this amazing spiritual experience but I’m going to give it a try.

When I heard love it was a very uneventful moment, my husband simply said to our youngest daughter “Are you coming to clean your teeth munchkin”?   It was in the midst of everybody getting ready for school and work and it could be considered very unremarkable.  In that very moment, in those very words, I heard love.  Not plain humanly, earthly love but heavenly Godly love, life giving love, love that makes you believe love is all we need and love can change the world.  Love that flowed directly from the heart. 

 

There are so many passages in the Bible that refer to the fact that what is in our heart flows from our mouth, one such instance is in Luke 6:43-45 (CEB) Jesus says "A Good tree doesn't produce bad fruit, nor does a bad tree produce good fruit.  Each tree is known by its own fruit. People don’t gather figs from thorny plants, nor do they pick grapes from prickly bushes. A good person produces good from the good treasury of the inner self, while an evil person produces evil from the evil treasury of the inner self. The inner self overflows with words that are spoken.”

The words from my husband were not planned or rehearsed and as he spoke them he did not know the effect they would have on me and our home, they simply flowed from the good treasury in his heart.  In those simple words I heard God express love to our daughter.  The tone and the strength combined with the love and genuine kindness in these simple words was indescribably powerful.

It felt like God used Craig as a vessel to express love in that very moment, to breathe love into our home in that instant, on that ordinary Tuesday morning.  Do I sound like a crazy person?  Maybe, but I feel like there is a powerful reassurance in this experience.  It shows that God can use us to express His love and compassion for all His people in ways we could not even dream of.  Ways that seem absolutely insignificant and unimportant, ways that we do not recognise at the time but in ways that are so much more powerful that we can ever intend them to be. 

 

In Matthew 15:17-18 (CEB) Jesus said "Don't you know that everything that goes into the mouth enters the stomach and goes out into the sewer?  But what goes out of the mouth comes from the heart”.  The words Craig spoke the other day would not have had any effect on our home if his heart had been contaminated and we live in a world where it is so easy for our hearts to become contaminated.  If something, or somebody, makes your heart feel good I suggest you invest heavily in these things and people.  It may be equally important to reduce the number of things that make your heart hurt or feel heavy and sad.  Don’t apologise for this, Proverbs 4:23 clearly says “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”

I want the truth ... but not really cause I can't handle it

Today is a lovely sunny Saturday.  I have done some washing, craft with the girls, had a cuppa with a friend, folded the washing and did the grocery shopping.  Then at 3pm I changed into my pyjama pants because they are so comfy!! Gasp, shock horror.  It has happened.  I have turned into my mother and sister!!  This in itself is not a problem, as they are both awesome, but I have spent the best part of the past 35 years denying I am anything like my family.  My teenage years and most of my twenties were spent aggressively proving I was oh so different to them.  I fought this battle in vein, it was already in my genetics, and it is only now I am beginning to accept this truth. 

Another truth that I have been faced with this week is my children are turning into the people I have prayed they would.  They have a great sense of fun, they are light and free, they smile a lot and don't seem to have a care in the world.  So why do I get upset when they aren't particularly good at any of their chosen hobbies?  When another mother says "Oh I can't believe your daughter isn't doing the dancing exams when she has been dancing for so long, my daughter just started and she is already good enough."  I get all worked up, feel guilty that I am robbing my children of the opportunity to be successful because I do not put enough pressure on them to practice and train and I quietly panic that they will not succeed at anything in life :-/ 

The truth is my children are probably going to be mediocre at a lot of things they do, and the truth is this makes me unbelievably happy so long as what they are doing makes them happy.  I know they have been blessed with many gifts and they will excel in these areas, these blessings may be growing flowers, painting love hearts, raising children, making deals, designing clothes, doing hair, investing in real estate, caring for elderly, praying with conviction.  I have no idea but I need to remind myself that I love them unconditionally and with no pressure and I will not get robbed of joy by trying to keep up with other mothers, their children have been blessed differently to mine.  A truth I will need to constantly remind myself of. 

A third truth this week I have had to acknowledge is I am a little cowardly.  I had made the decision to discontinue attending a group I had been part of for over 3 years.  Instead of telling the group of my decision I really just wanted to quietly retreat, secretly disappear never to return again.  This would have been perfect until the group leader discussed it with me.  I thought I was an honest, up front sort of person, turns out if the chance arises to just turn and run away this just might be the option I choose.

In the face of all this cold hard truth, it is the Bible that is bringing me some peace. John 16:33 says "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."  This helps me not to take any of the above truths too seriously :-)

I want to dance like Jesus

How different would like look without the words should, ought to and could?  These three phases rule my life, they circle my heart like flaming scorpions, searing into my soul, haunting and defeating me every time I think or say 'I should do this' or 'I ought to be doing such and such' or 'If I only could ...'.

The word, the very simple word that sets me free from all of this is 'is'.  This is how much God loves me, my life is full of blessings, this is what I look like and this is what I can do.  Is, this one word, dangles from my heart, it reflects light and beauty, it is peace and kindness, it is love.  God is love.

When I free my mind from the shoulds, coulds and ought tos I have this amazing image of Jesus dancing.  I'm not talking polite swaying, or closing eyes and raised hands kind of dancing, Jesus is fluorescent blue, green and white.  He is dancing to the groove, His whole body is alive with the beat.  He is captivated by the tunes.  He is so happy.

I often get the feeling we have it so very wrong.  If we believe God created us in His own image and to be His friends than there must be so much more.  There must be more than quietly singing bad hymns, there must be more than eating cake with friends watching the kids play after Church on Sunday, there must be more than politely discussing the relevance and meaning of parables from the Bible once a week at Bible Study.

I can not believe God created us to be mundane, to be mediocre, to be ordinary and to simply go with the flow.

If I had created people to be my friends I would want them to be free and happy to dance like the Jesus in my mind.  I can't help but think it is the shoulds, coulds and ought tos that keep us from dancing like Jesus.

I want to dance like Jesus each and every day.

Me and my herbs

Since 2007 herbs have become a very important part of my life, not as a result of any real plan or sense of purpose, they just have and their names, scent, meaning, use and mere existence evoke a great sense of joy and wonder in my heart. I am by no means a herb expert, it is their simplicity and usefulness that appeals to me.

Today as I stood alongside a great big bottle tree planted in remembrance of a local Roma man who died in World War I, holding my Sage close, I thought of my herbs and how so many men and women gave their lives so I could grow and tend a herb garden in peace.  As we waved, clapped and cheered as the old diggers were driven past I was overcome with emotion and pride and Proverbs 15:17 came to mind "Better is a dinner of herbs where love is than a fattened ox and hatred with it".  We have so many small blessings in our life, including a simple and delicious herb garden grown with love, but if brave people throughout history had not fought to protect our freedom who knows how life, and my herb garden, may look.

My herb garden has already become a symbol of love, faithfulness, discipline, self sufficiency and joy but now it has even more meaning.  I will not pick some rocket for my salad, basil for my pizza, mint for my chilled summer drink or thyme for my spaghetti bolognaise, I will not hold, love and smile at the sage and rosemary without thinking of, and giving thanks, for all those who have gone before me.  All those who have made the very act of growing and enjoying herbs possible.

We look forward to sharing our love of herbs at the Church Bazaar later in the year where we hope to sell Herbgully Herbs as part of the plant stall.  Our intention will be that each little herb takes with it love, joy, purpose and hope to each and every garden and gardener.

This all sounds a bit peculiar, and I am not sure there is any real point, but today just got me thinking that men in battle grounds 98 years ago, women in hospitals in remote and far flung locations, would have done things, made decisions and choices that have made it possible for me and my herbs to live and grow happily. 

It is impossible to comprehend how the things we do, say and choose today will influence the lives of future generations but they will.  Our life, not matter how small and insignificant, will influence our descendants, so let's live purposefully and lovingly and sow seeds of love and peace and joy, seeds  that people will get to harvest for generations to come, long after we have gone.

The greatest influence in my life

I wish I could write the Bible, Jesus or Mother Theresa but I think A Country Practice may actually be the greatest influence of my life!!  Yes, the Australian drama series that ran from 1981-1994, I watched it faithfully for my entire childhood.  My husband does not like it when I refer to him as my Dr Terence Elliott but is the greatest compliment I can bestow on him.  I grew up admiring the tall, caring, passionate and intelligent Dr Elliott and the comment from Matron Sloan rings in my ears "You are a good man Dr Elliott", so too is my husband.

Not only did this show influence who I married it affected my career.  I loved the community of Wandin Valley, they all cared for each other, they stood up for what they believed in, many worked in roles that  improved the life of those around them such as Doctors, nurses, foster parents and teachers, when they had a party the whole town was invited and generally they were committed to a healthy and sustainable way of life.  My professional career to date has involved me studying and working in the field of Community Economic Development.  I actually was employed to support, promote and build inclusive, healthy and vibrant communities.  The best job in the world I thought.  This career path has meant I have always lived in smaller rural communities and when I travelled around Australia I got so much joy visiting all the little towns and experiencing their communities.

Proverbs 4:23 says "Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life".  A Country Practice is not really the point but consciously thinking about what you watch, read and how you spend your time is the point.

What our family watches on television, what we read, who we spend time with; is it just harmless and funny or is it influencing the course of our life.  If we live in an environment where inclusiveness, tolerance and kindness is  abundant chances are this will impact on the way we behaves towards others.  We can surround ourselves with joyful, kind, generous, thoughtful people and this will likely impact on the way we behave. 

The great news is the choice is  all ours.  You can blame the influences of the world or you can simply make different choices. Proverbs 27:17 says "As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another".  I am not making a comment on what anybody should or shouldn't watch, read, listen to or who people should spend  time with or go to school, I write this only to highlight all these little, seemingly insignificant things, can impact on your life in a significant way.

What has been, or is, the greatest influence in your life?  Be honest, it can't be worse than A Country Practice!