May this home be firmly built upon faith

We have spent these past summer holidays in some beautiful parts of Australia with people that we love dearly.  Now we are firmly deposited back home in Roma and I must admit I sometimes ponder why we love living here so much, and a lot of people ask us often 'Gawd ... why on earth do you live in Roma' {grimmace face}?  

It is remote for us (I don't think we have another blood relative within about 800kms and it is hot a lot of the time, really hot and dry.  Our garden has a lot of fleabane weed which is proving near impossible to kill, we have planted hundreds of trees which take ages to grow, if they survive,  because it is so hot and dry and freezing cold in winter, and we still have so much work to do on our little property to bring our dreams to fruition. The vision is GRAND!!  

I admit to dreaming about living in a cute cottage in the breathtakingly beautiful hills of Bellingen, or just somewhere that is a wee bit cooler and greener and within maybe 200kms of the beach.  Why do we feel most complete and happy living at Herbgully in Roma? 

There are so many reason we continue to happily live here, the gorgeous country school our girls go to, the passionate, kind and very proactive teachers and parents, oh and the girls dance teacher and singing teacher are both overflowing with kindness and talent and give of their time so generously and the volunteers who teach them touch football and netball are the best.  They have so many opportunities to learn and grow and express themselves freely and they are loved.  Our Church, oh my goodness our Church is beautiful and the Church family that exists within its walls we love with all our heart. We have celebrated numerous baptisms, Christmas and Easter Services and birthdays together.  We have been through pain and disappointments and frustrations and grief but we keep doing life together, it is real and hard and teaches us about faithfulness. 

The people we have met during our time in Roma are some of the most inspiring, kind, loving and funny friends we have ever met and just this week I have met two more beautiful souls who are sharing their knowledge and wisdom with me.   People come and go from Roma all the time, which has caused us much heartbreak because we have loved many of them deeply (you know who you are) but we will be friends for life and we look forward to meeting those who we will cross paths with this year. 

The beauty of Roma is not instantly apparent, you need to look for it, you need to slow down and feel it, you need to take the time to love the people, you need to choose to see the good and the positive. This tough climate breeds tough people so it can seem harsh and off putting to begin with but the strength of spirit is second to none. The circumstances that bought us to Roma twelve years ago are funny and very hard to explain and I believe it was deeply spiritual.  
I don't know much about the ancestors of this great land but I think they were probably very happy, strong, healthy, wise and content here before the invasion, and I think they may have lived good lives and their energy remains in the earth.  

Then there is the town name itself, Roma.  Roma was named after Lady Diamantina Bowen (Contessa Diamantina di Roma), what a magnificent name that has great and powerful energy. Diamantina was described as "pretty" but tempered perhaps by the remark "her beauty being in her expression rather than her features", just like Roma the town.  She was described as slender but graceful and coming from an aristocratic family she had a privileged well-educated upbringing.  She could play the piano and sing well.  Diamantina spoke English well but with a slight accent and it is claimed she spoke with her husband at home in her native Italian. All these wonderful qualities have been bestowed on our town because of the name.

Considering only about 8000 people live in Roma obviously a vast majority of people do not feel the same as us, we love doing life in Roma and feel incredibly blessed.

All my possessions for a moment of time

"Enough is enough" I declared as I looked around the house at the end of school holidays, "We simply can not fit anymore stuff in our house and we are drowning in books, DVDs, clothes, craft supplies, pens, pencils, hair ties, necklaces, shoes and loads of little tiny things and it is painful.  I am throwing it all out".  My family just stood by in stunned silence wondering if they too may get thrown out.

Our pantry is full, our closets are full, the toy boxes are full, the bookshelves are full, the jewellery boxes are full.  Every conceivable cupboard, drawer, shelf and bench space in our home is full.  It burdens all of us with a huge responsibility to look after, pack away, maintain, use and appreciate all of these things which is increasingly more difficult.  Each birthday, Christmas, Easter, trip to town we get more and it is unsustainable.

In my infinite wisdom I was going to introduce a moratorium on all presents whether it be clothes, books, craft supplies, ornaments, decorations, cards anything at all, it was all going to be prohibited from Herbgully. Our new family motto was going to be 'Stop buying stuff and start doing things' and our hashtag was going to be #stopthestuff.  It was all perfectly planned.

However, I had dinner with a beautiful and wise friend who suggested maybe I was being a little too extreme, that same night another dear friend just said 'well I will still buy you stuff anyway because I love you'.  The very next day we went to Eumundi Markets and saw so many beautiful hand crafted, clever and amazing things designed and made by creative artisans and my moratorium would've meant my home and life could never be blessed by any of this gorgeousness....EVER.

Further adding to the situation is that we live a long way from all of our family so the giving of gifts is a wonderful way to show our love, our children are loved deeply by many and they are often given gifts as a sign of love.  I recognise that gift giving is a love language and it is how some people show their love, including myself.  However we have run out of room.  Short of extending the house we just do not have the necessary storage space for anymore of anything.

As I wrestled with how to move forward I turned to the Bible and in Luke 12:15 it says "Take care, and be on your guard against all covetousness, for one's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions" and this brings me some comfort because my life does not consist in the abundance of my possessions, Life was not breathed into me so I could spend my days picking up, packing away, tidying up, yelling and feeling exasperated by all that we own.


However I do live in a beautiful world.  The universe was created by the word of God and just in the past six weeks I have been to some of the most gorgeous wonders, including beaches and water falls and mountain streams and it is obvious God withheld nothings from His creation.
He poured beauty into it.  When I look into the faces of my children and feel the intense love I have for my husband I know that God adores beauty and splendour and abundance.  Even strolling around Eumundi Markets admiring the works of so many talented and creative souls, God created them to bring beauty into His world.

One's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions, it has never been and will never be about the stuff but it doesn't mean having lovely things is bad, because lovely things make us smile and bring us joy.

We are going to try the process of holding everything we own near our hearts and determining if we love it, 'no love no stay'.  Once we have more space to think and breathe we can be much more conscious about all future purchases and gifts and I really do think wonderful and unique experiences will make for some beautiful presents in the future.

It is just about being thoughtful and purposeful and intentional in all that we buy so we don't accidentally end up living a less than satisfactory life but rather so we can truly enjoy this life the way God intended.

Do you have any good tips of trying to reduce clutter from your home?

Believe and do not doubt

I have spent much of January at the beach, hanging out with some of my most favourite people in the whole wide world.  I have spent many hours writing out my dreams and hopes for the year, doing up dreamboards for 2016, selecting a word for the year and really trying to surge into the year full of hope and optimism, using the wonderfully inspiring Leonie Dawson resources.  I have no end of great ideas and dreams but since returning home and with the practicality of life becoming a bit more real I am riddled with doubt.

This isn't a mild case of doubt but kind of severe, leading to a bit of self-loathing and overwhelming feelings of uselessness, despite starting each day with a brisk walk and a positive affirmation my mind has those little niggling voices saying 'ha as if you can do all that', 'oh Justine you are so silly getting your hopes up, you can't do anything let alone that'.  Mean huh!!

The Bibles says, in James 1:5-6 "If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously without finding fault, and it will be given to him.  But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind".

I can relate to that.  These dreams that I have written down for 2016 are not new, some of them I have been carting around for a decade, most others about three years.  Too long.  For some obscure reason I sabotage myself, I doubt that I can really do these things, I get tossed and blown moving erratically and definitely not strategically from place to place and let self-doubt win every time.

We all have these days, don't we, when we doubt ourselves and think everything we do is crap, and we feel sad but then we also have those days when we feel like Superman (these are the moments we share all over social media) and I guess it is all just supposed to balance out.

But I am tired of being tossed and blown like a wave, and I'm sick of waiting for it all to just balance out in the end, it is bullshit and 2016 is the year I draw a line in the sand and say 'no more', I sound big and tough but I'm not really, it is a much more timid murmur from the safety and security of my lovely comfy bed, but I mean it, I really do.  I get one life, that is it, and next year I turn 40 so I am kind of almost half way through this life so it is time to get going.

Quite literally the only thing standing between me and my dreams is the self talk going on in my head - which I can control!  One of my motto's for this year is 'When in doubt do it' so it is settled, I must do it!

What are your dreams and goals for 2016?  Is the talk in your head helping or hindering those dreams?

Holy joy-balls!!

The title of this blog has been placed on my heart for some time but I have been reluctant to write it because I was afraid it might sound a little bit blasphemous, but I intend to sing the praise of God so hopefully all will be forgiven.

It is impossible to ignore all the terrible news in the world at the moment.  My goodness, I try not to watch, listen to or read news but in this connected world we live in it is not possible to avoid it.  My soul is continuously troubled by the Israel/Palestine conflict and I have cried for the innocent victims of the MH17 plane crash and their devastated loved ones.  Locally stories of beautiful, long awaited babies being born sleeping never to go home with their Mummy and Daddy or innocent children having to fight for their life against some rare form of cancer or the sweetest little girl being placed in foster care again, all wears you down.  It is hard to cope and it makes you wonder about what is truly important.

Each week the hum-drum of daily life is also tiring, even without drama and tragedy.  Going to work, paying bills, packing lunches, meeting commitments, doing the dishes, cooking meals, watering plants and on and on it goes and really what is it all for anyway.

Then nearly every single Sunday I am reminded of what it is all for.  I do not intend or specifically set out to discover the true meaning of life every Sunday but somehow God repeatedly reveals it to me.  He slows me down just enough to feel the spiritual rhythm of my life.  I know the spiritual realm is always close by but in the busy-ness of life the beauty, wisdom and peace of it seems to get swept just out of reach.  The meaning of life for me is a feeling that I experience from time to time. 

It is really hard to explain what it feels like when I am existing in the awareness of the Spirit.  When I can feel it inside and out, when I breathe it in and it moves through my entire body.  It is peaceful and loving, it is all about simple pleasure, gentle kindness, it is colourful and comforting, it brings me joy and I love it. 

This Sunday I felt the Spirit in the warm sun on my back and in the cold wet mud as we planted our first ever potato garden.  I can see beauty and hope in the full moon as it rises in front of me as I write these words.  I saw it as the butterflies fluttered around my beautiful flowering lavender and as I heard our girls sitting up in the tree chattering together.  It is magical and magnificent and it brings me great great joy.  It is this joy that I think is the purpose of life.

I don't willingly accept that what brings me joy is so simple.  I often grumble that my life is dull, lacking in excitement and no where near as glamorous as I had planned when I was younger.  I never dreamed that being a mother and wife, a sister and friend, an active member of my Church community organising great local events, an RI teacher and living in this dry and isolated place would be good for my soul.  I never thought this would be the meaning of my life, but right now it is and it feels so right and very often it brings me great joy. 

I thank God that he reminds me regularly that the meaning of my life is joy and love, and nearly always that looks and feels different to what I imagined, but I try to embrace it, experience it and appreciate it as it happens.  It is this joy and love that makes it possible for me to walk on this Earth with all its pain and suffering and hopefully make a small difference in the lives of the people I know and love.

So holy joy-balls I say go and do what makes you joyful this week, do it in the name of God, no matter what it is, enjoy it, try not to over analyse it or judge it, but just let it be, experience it in all its glory, don't rob yourself of it.  Joy is not an indulgence or a luxury it is vitally important and necessary if we are going to survive and thrive in this often tragic world.

Tempo's lost loves

It is hot, where is the breeze, it is a little hard to breathe, if only there was a breeze.  Jen looked up at the bright, clear full moon and listened to the crickets.  She got the hose and began to water the frangipani tree that was continuing to punch above its weight.   “Are you fighting a losing battle little buddy, with enough water and tender loving care can you harden up to the unrelenting summer sun and the harsh winter frosts and prove all the experts wrong?” Jen spoke to the precious tree, she waited a little while as if truly expecting a response but there was no audible answer.  Jen hoped against the odds that it just might be possible that a sweet, gentle pretty tree could survive out here in this harsh climate, one day they might smell the soft aroma of frangipani flowers and she could stop buying the fragrance in a bottle for the oil burner.

She  looked up to the clear night sky, enveloped in the smell and sounds of water hitting the hot dirt and the faint aromas of basil and lavender from the garden and the cherry blossom soap on her skin from a recent shower, enjoying the overwhelming feelings of love and contentment. 

Tonight the serenity was broken by the mournful bellow of the poddy calf, “Oh Templeton” Jen whispers.  He is calling to his three friends who went on the cattle truck, or beef bus, yesterday afternoon.  Jen tries not to cry, but tears spike her eyes. She knows it is the circle of life, but she thought cows were dumb, who knew they loved the other cows and missed them when they were gone.  Templeton had been pacing their small block since yesterday morning, occasionally calling out for Harry, Tim and Craig.  Today he caught sight of a cow in a neighbours paddock and went straight over to see if it was his mates, but to no avail, he came back, head lowered, disappointed and sad.

The mournful bellow reminded Jen of a time when her soul was lost and lonely and called out into the seemingly empty night sky.  It makes her think of all the other relationships that we give no thought to, have no respect for and the understanding we lack of the importance of love.  Jen thinks to herself how much importance is placed on money each and every day, yet it is some kind of peculiar cow love that is making poor Tempo bellow loudly into the night. Love, it always always comes back to love. 

The cow is persistent, the cry is desperate and loud and each time he pauses in hopeful anticipation that his friends will call back and they will be reunited.  She slumps her shoulders knowing that they will never be reunited and wondering how long Templeton will exist in this sad, but slightly hopeful, state.

Her husband, Chris, steps into the garden and startles her at first, but then she says “Oh my goodness Chris listen to Tempo, he is till calling out to the other cows, and he is just a simple  cow, his sole purpose to provide us with food but he is sad, he is broken hearted.”

Chris was sad too that the poddy was so distraught but he said nothing.

Jen continued, getting quite upset “His cries make me think of all the people who are deprived of love their whole lives.  Walking through life, bellowing just like Templeton, calling into the darkness hoping against all odds that somebody they love, and who loves them back, will call back, offer security, friendship, comfort and joy.  Every time he calls out my heart breaks for the lonely, the scared, the heart broken, the deprived, the hungry and the vulnerable.  I can’t even help this poor cow, I cannot bring his friends home, how can I help anybody else who is suffering?” 

Chris is quietly mumbling something in agreement but has wandered off to move the sprinkler, he is reluctant to get caught up in Jen’s ‘we should change the world’ scenarios. He can not understand why  she has to read so much into a basic reality of life.  He would never say that out loud again, he did that once and still regrets the sermon he received how justice will not be served until those who are unaffected are as outraged as those who are.

Before the misery gets too overwhelming Tempo thankfully stops bellowing  and they are both distracted by the other shapes, noises and smells and  enjoy the quiet evening in the garden.  Chris and Jen soon head inside, ready for bed, it is still too hot to sleep but the whirring sound of the ceiling fan is relaxing and comforting and sleep will not be too far away.

We are all so fragile

I love the song Breakable by Ingrid Michaelson, the chorus goes "And we are so fragile, And our cracking bones make noise, And we are just, Breakable, breakable, breakable girls and boys".  It is a great reminder that we are all so fragile, sure some people might hide it better than others, but each one of us is a breakable boy or girl.

I don't love this because it makes me feel vulnerable, trust me I don't need a song to do that, I love that it reminds me to be more gentle with everybody, the people I love and the people I don't.  I can quickly and effectively convince myself why I shouldn't extend the hand of friendship or just offer a gesture of kindness to some people, the fear of rejection or embarrassing myself is often the prime deterrent, protecting my pride, but this really isn't a good enough excuse.  Laziness is another excuse, some people are hard work and exhausting so withdrawing from them is an easy option.  Other people make me feel more vulnerable and fragile than I am comfortable with so avoiding them in the name of self-preservation makes sense.

To remind myself that each one of us is fragile, we are just breakable, breakable, breakable girls and boys might help me overcome these barriers.  Tonight with all these thoughts whirling around in my head, I was helping to put pyjamas on our 6 year old daughter when she said "Mum we are given life so we can love people" and then kissed me.  Instantly tears welled in my eyes, and I hugged her and said "Yes, that is right".

We have been created to love people.  It can feel like loving people makes us fragile.  It is hard to love, to see past people's faults, to remain loyal in the times of trials, to stop judging for 5 minutes and just love.  Loving without any expectations of how people should love you back. 

I am blessed to know a couple of people who love unconditionally and you can not help but love and admire these people.  Sure they would not be described as 'high-achievers' by earthly standards, and people don't always treat them right, but I admire them and aspire to love like they do.  There are also people in my life who I love more than they love me, and it hurts.  They aren't bad people but I can't help but get angry and resentful, it isn't even their fault, they didn't make me love them I just do.  There are others still who probably love me more than I love them back, it saddens me if I hurt or disappoint them.

There is no doubt that lately I have been a little frugal with my love and I am feeling disengaged and a little more vulnerable than usual.  I need to lift the lid on my love, stop holding back in the name of self-preservation, it is stupid and unproductive, it is arrogant and resentful and it makes me feel unpleasant.  Today at work a super sweet work colleague gave me a little book entitled "His Princess: Love Letters From Your King" and I am sure this is a little source of encouragement God has placed on my path to help me re-connect to Him and to love.

People can think it childish and whimsical to talk too much about love, it is a thing for Mums and small children, little girls and fairytales but the reality is it is everything.  In 1 Corinthians 13:7 love is described this way "She bears up under everything; believes the best in all; there is no limit to her hope, and never will she fall", isn't that so beautiful.

I have such a clear image of when I have passed away, my lifeless body is in a coffin, in a fairly empty, light filled room and all I can think, feel, see, comprehend is a voice saying "The only thing that matters is who you loved and how you loved them".  You cannot love properly if you just love the people you want to, or the people you like, or the people who are of some benefit to you.  You can only learn to love, truly love, when you practise on everybody, including yourself!

What do you think?  Are you good at loving and being loved or do you think you have some work to do?

A burst of lime

I recently saw an advert for Colorme Temporary Hair Colour, it states "Introducing a fabulous way to temporarily colour your hair ... Change your colour and your look at a moment's notice without commitment ...Create a burst of lime in your hair without fearing the worst".  I related to this instantly, but not about my hair, just my life and my moods.  I'm sure my husband would agree that I can change my colour and look at a moment's notice!  The burst of lime reflects the little bit of crazy running through my veins.

Yesterday was one of those burst of lime, or Eeyore, days.  You know how it goes "Good morning, Pooh Bear," said Eeyore gloomily. "If it is a good morning," he said. "Which I doubt," said he. 

My beautiful best friend asked me what was the matter and I replied "I don't know, everybody is giving me the s*^ts" and she said "What even me" and I replied "Yeah, a little bit".  It was the burst of lime, sorry.

I tend to get angry and disappointed in myself when I feel this way.  I know I have so much to be grateful for but on these days I have an urge to change everything in my life, I want to move towns and get a new career (everything gets considered from being a Priest or a teacher to a naturopath, I think I might have even considered becoming a Police Officer). Everything looks more exciting and interesting and wonderful compared to where I am standing. 

On these burst of lime days my first impulse is to see the dead and frosted trees and grass, all the bills, the dust on the cabinets, the long days, weeks, months and years of cooking tea for my family and having to do the grocery shopping and all the washing and the minus something mornings and the lack of rain.

Thankfully though, despite my tendency to be a little inconstant, my God is not, Hebrews 13:8 says "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever".  It is His Word that is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path (Psalm 199:105) and I am ever so grateful for that.  It is the shining light of God's love that helps me to see the flowering lavender in my garden, the ripening lemons on the tree, to appreciate looking out my window to see my daughter up the tree. 

It is He alone who renews my desire to write, to stay firmly planted where I am.  I hear His promise
"Happy are those who remain faithful under trials, because when they succeed in passing such a test, they will receive as their reward the life which God has promised to those who love him" (James 1:12). 

Burst of lime moments can be equally exhilarating and exciting as they can be gloomy and glum.  I can have lime mountaintop experiences and lime valley moments, and this can all be within one hour :-) Without the consistent love of God and His constant presence in my life this emotional rollercoaster we call life may be overwhelmingly exhausting.

 I  take great comfort from the saying

"Ups and downs show signs of life.  The day it becomes smooth and straight ... life ends".